Confessions of a Rule Follower

By Sallie Clingman

Almost 33 years ago, I obeyed God for the first time.
I got on my knees and said, "God, I don't understand about sin except I know I've done it; I don't understand about forgiveness except I know I need and want it; and I certainly don't understand how You can come live in my heart, but that's what I'm asking You to do."
Of all the things He could have asked me to do in obedience to Him, the one thing He wanted was for me to humble my heart and invite Him to be the God of my life.
Somehow I understood that God had made promises to me and that the Christian life was going to be the continual unfolding of these wonderful promises.
A couple of years later, I heard Bill Bright talk about the Holy Spirit and how God takes the responsibility to produce the Christian life in each of us. I longed to be obedient. I wasn't always, but something had happened in my heart, and I wanted to be obedient for the rest of my life.
What began to unfold, however, was a temptation to perform. Despite my desire to obey, too often I found myself caught up in performance and pretense.
As I've reflected on that paradox, I have found 5 distinctions between performing and obeying.
1. Obedience is fueled by relationship; performance is fueled by rules.
Relationships are powerful. "Come follow Me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men" (Mark 1:17, New International Version). To follow Him is a relationship idea.
In contrast, rules are impotent. Even God's rules are impotent.
I thought hearing what God requires of me ought to change me, but the law has no power whatsoever.
It takes God to fulfill God's rules. His rules were intended to provide a loving relationship with Him, which motivates and empowers us to do right.
2. Obedience appreciates the journey, while performance demands the destination.
We look someplace beyond where we are at and say, "I should be over there. I've been a Christian 10 years, and I'm still doing the same things -- what is wrong with me?"
We picture God saying, "Why aren't you over here?" That is such a false, defeating view of God. He is not over there; He is right here beside us.
The Christian life is not just the destination, it's the journey. Faith is daring to believe there is grace where I am right now.
A fitting example comes from my younger brother. When he was 12, his body was so gangly; first his nose got big, and then his hands. His arms were so skinny and his hands were so big, they looked like hams hanging on strings. He was sick of this awkwardness.
One day he was pouring some milk only using one hand, and milk went everywhere -- all over the cabinet, down between the cabinet and the stove, into the drawers.
He sobbed his heart out, saying, "I hate myself!"
Mother was standing nearby, and she quickly ran over to him-not to clean up the mess at first, but to comfort him. She put her arms around him and said, "Honey, it's OK. This is just part of growing up. I love you." Then they cleaned up the mess.
What happened there didn't dawn on me until years later, when I realized that sometimes I spill the milk.
I say the wrong things. I do the wrong things. I'm clumsy. I'm awkward. And I think God has His hands on His hips, saying, "I've told you a thousand times, don't spill the milk. What is wrong with you?"
But God is more like my mother, with His arms open wide to embrace me in my clumsiness and awkwardness. He says, "Honey, it's OK. I love you. This is just part of growing up. We're going somewhere together. It will take a while, but it will not take forever."
3. Obedience invests in character, while performance invests in reputation.
A great illustration of this point is the story of Ananias and Sapphira, told in Acts 5:1-11.
They observed Barnabas sell a piece of property and give all the proceeds to the church, to be distributed to those in need. Maybe they were mesmerized by the celebrity that came to Barnabas, because they went home and said, "We've got property. Let's sell it and give the money, but keep a little for ourselves."
There was no problem with that except that they lied and pretended to give it all.
More investment in reputation than in character was a fatal flaw for them. Reputation is a human-being-to-human-being thing; character is first of all a human-being-to-God thing.
4. Obedience confesses tendencies, but performance deals with tragedies.
If I pretend I'm OK -- because I think I have to be OK -- things like lust, greed or hot tempers are ignored until everything blows up in my face.
Small tendencies ignored will end in tragedy. That's why we must walk in the light and talk to God often about these tendencies.
John said, "If we claim to have fellowship with Him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin" (1 John 1:6,7; NIV).
One of the great needs of the human heart is someone to whom I can tell my deepest, darkest secrets and have that someone accept me. God is a safe, merciful Person to whom I can humbly go and confess my tendencies, and get His help to protect me from the tragedies.
5. Obedience is satisfied with God's adequacy, but performance longs for personal power.
Somehow we get it in our minds that maturity means being able to do things without God's help.
Have you ever thought that your weaknesses are the most powerful things about you? God wants to maintain His position as the strong one. He wants us to be submitted to His great power to produce all the things in our lives that He wants for us and that we long for ourselves.
I am repelled by pretense. I remember growing up and seeing my high-school friends pretending things, and it sent a shudder through my body. I wanted these people to be honest. Then I realized that despite my hunger to be obedient, I was doing a lot of pretending.
It is such a relief to know I can be honest. And there's great fruit from it. When I sense God saying to me, "Sallie, love your neighbor," I can say "yes" to Him. And when I obey, 3 things happen: God gets glory, I get joy, and someone else receives a blessing.
Without obedience, there will be no harvest. And without rejecting performance and pretense, there will be no obedience.
But praise be to God, who lives within us, empowering us to be honest and real. To put aside all pretense. To stop demanding the destination. To lay aside living by the rules and hanging on to my tendencies until they explode in my face. To put aside trying to be strong in myself.
What a blessing He is to us.